Week 2: Still the beginning...

Here we are another week down. Week 2 was not any easier than Week 1 but it was different. I had some great conversations with some people that really do understand exactly what I'm going through and they made all the difference. Don't be afraid to reach out. People that you don't even know can be more of a help than anyone if they have been through the same thing. I also had some people do things for me that were unexpected but very welcome and made me feel just a little bit better about the world at a time when I just want to hate it. Someone came and sprayed our yard for bugs, one of the departments handled yard care for a year, our K9 guys have been out constantly to check on things. It has been amazing and overwhelming how people have just done what they can for us. I have learned to let people help and to accept that help graciously. It's a lesson I had never learned before now. We were always doing the helping, not being helped.

I can understand how situations like this turn into  lifelong addictions for people. I cannot count how many people have said something like, "If you can't sleep, just have a glass of wine," or, "Just take this pill, it will help." They are probably right but I'm afraid to start that. I'm afraid I won't be able to stop. I tried to get dressed because I was taking my kids by their school so they could visit. I wound up putting on a t-shirt that was his because anything that looked cute seemed wrong. No good reason why at all. The kids decided I didn't need to stay with them so I went to a lady I've been using for a while that does medical massage. On top of everything, I could barely move because dehydration, stress, and anxiety have made my muscles one gigantic knot. It was a huge help going and I have another appointment tomorrow. As soon as I got back my son was all over me telling me he wished he hadn't told me to leave. He is so concerned for me. He told me I needed a "guy roommate" because he didn't want me to have to do everything by myself, including just watching grown-up movies he's not old enough for. He's 11. I hate him thinking about things like that. When did he get so grown and so much like his dad?

When we got home from  the school I realized none of us had eaten. On top of that, I realized none of us were even hungry. Appetites haven't been huge around here lately. I did manage to make tea. That doesn't sound like much but it's the first thing I've had to do alone for us. Everyone has been here and been so helpful I haven't had to do anything. My dad came to visit for the weekend. He grilled steaks and corn and baked potatoes Friday night and steamed crayfish Saturday night. Just something different. We got the house and yard picked up from so many people being here. I had a moment when he cranked the lawnmower. Nobody has ever cut grass here other than TJ and when I heard it start I just broke down for about 10 minutes. I let myself have my moment then I got up and kept going. It would've been very easy to just stay in the floor with his shirt but I chose not to. Since we got everything picked up and kind of back on a schedule Bojar (Boy-er), our K9, got to come home Monday afternoon. He's very anxious but we're all working through issues and he's no different than us.

I rinsed out his sink in the bathroom. It had toothpaste in it and hair from where he had shaved. I cried the entire time. It felt like I was removing part of him. If he was alive I would've picked at him about not doing it but as annoying as it was I miss it already. His clothes are still in the floor. I can't move them. I assume I will at some point but I can't be sure. His towel is still hanging on the towel rod. I used it once. Almost. When I got out of the tub I just fell in the floor and cried into it because he would never be using it again. Then I got up, dusted myself off, read the notes he left me on the bathroom mirror, and felt better remembering at least he was able to use it when he did.

I have been using my diffuser religiously at night. Lavender and cedarwood are such a great sleep combination. Cedarwood helps reset your short term memory which is great for combating bad dreams. I don't sell oils or anything like that. No sales pitch here. Just good advice for anyone. My children ask for it now since they've started sleeping with me. This week was full of way more breakdowns and breakthroughs than I expected. I washed clothes. The only thing of his in it was a pair of underwear. I cried some more realizing I would never be washing his clothes again. My laundry is cut in half and I'm sad about it. How does that happen? haha. 

So, about the interesting "roommate" conversation with my son this week. He told me I needed to get a "guy roommate". My immediate response was, "There is no way I'm ready for a boyfriend!" He told me that he didn't mean a boyfriend, he literally meant a male roommate because he didn't want me doing everything and having to do things alone. "Mom, you need somebody to help. And maybe watch grown up movies with you. I can't because I'm not old enough but you need somebody to." First of all, excuse me child? You're 11. Stop being 30. Second of all, I know he's right and the thought hurts me to my soul. I can't be alone forever. It doesn't even make sense. The issue is I cannot imagine moving on with another person. Honestly, just the thought makes me physically hurt. 

I spoke with a lady that lives close who lost her husband in an accident a while back. Her call just gave me a peace I didn't know I needed. She could tell me what I felt without me having to say it. It's amazing how complete strangers just get it. The kids went to church and one of my K9 guys offered to drive me to the pet store an hour away so I didn't have to deal  with people stopping me every 5 minutes to talk. We had dinner (as friends obviously but you know how people are so I'm clarifying) and laughed and I managed not to feel guilty. I don't know how. I even straightened my hair. First time it had been brushed in over a week. 

The kids and I also spent our first night alone this week. My Facebook post on that was this: "The kids and I are spending our first night alone, accompanied only by a lot of firepower. Lol. We're all in bed watching a cartoon that we watched with Dad not too long ago. We miss T.J. so much but it helps to talk and laugh about him. None of us think he was perfect but we even miss the bad things (like when he was grumpy according to Bacon - haha) bc they were part of who he was. 10 days ago I thought I wouldn't make it another day, yet here I am making it. We all are. He always had a way of making us happy even when things were awful. It's a quality not everyone has. I can't imagine ever loving another person like I love him. He's the person in my life I would literally give my own life for, except he gave his for us instead. We have so many good memories but the last 6 months when he cut out all his extra stuff and was at home all the time are the best memories I'll ever have. Our entire family dynamic changed. I truly believe God knew this was coming and made sure we were able to have a ton of amazing memories before he took him. I will be forever grateful for that instead of being angry he took him and it helps me sleep peacefully and not be bitter. We will see him again one day and hopefully I get to tell him about our next 50 years as a family."

I did go to a Memorial Luncheon thrown by another fallen officer's family this week. We lost him almost 2 years ago. It's really the only thing I've gone to and I only went because of who was throwing it. I knew it would do them good to  see me and I hoped it would do me some good to see them. I was right. It really did. It was the day after I had a very profound experience and I was so at peace during the entire thing. I realize people will wonder what the experience was so I will tell you. Believe it or not. Doesn't matter to me. I was having a hard time falling asleep for the first time. I'm so exhausted by the time we get to bed I've been passing out quickly, but for some reason I couldn't. I sleep with his shirt and somehow when I rolled over it came out of my hand. I reached over and grabbed it and when I did I felt his entire body weight cuddle me. I've imagined him laying there. This was not that. This felt REAL. Like he was right there. I saw his face as clear as if he was sitting in front of me and he said, "Wife, just go to sleep." I was asleep within 10 seconds. I have never felt anything like it before and haven't since but I hope I do. It was amazing. I've had a peace ever since that I didn't even know I was missing.

I have had so many conflicting feelings this week. A ton of laughs. A few breakdowns. A cryfest here and there. Experiences I didn't even know could happen. A couple of "normal" evenings. One day at a time. As always, it is what it is.

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Week 1
Week 3

Week 1: The Beginning

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It has been one week since my LEO was killed in the line of duty. I have so many mixed emotions. I want to keep up with this journey so I can see how much things change and I grow. I know there are going to be okay days and days where I melt into a puddle on my floor. So far there's been a nice mix of days, but mostly they've been busy. Now it's time to settle into the long haul. This is not about attention, I don't even care if people read it to be honest. It makes me feel better to write it. Get it all out without depressing everyone on Facebook. And maybe, just maybe, it'll help someone else one day because as bad as I don't want it to, this will happen to someone else.

Some things about my husband: K9, SWAT, Special Investigations (specifically Narcotics), headed to Instructor Training this summer to eventually open a K9 Training Center. Took kids to school everyday, put them to bed every night, ate dinner at the table with them. Made me laugh, annoyed me, left his clothes wherever he took them off, took a bath with me every night, learned to do acrylic nails so I could have them done since I wouldn't take time away from him to go. Great guy. Selfless in the truest sense of the word.

 

Some things about our relationship: It was not perfect. We have been through some things I'd rather forget. We also have memories I wouldn't trade for the world. I can say with 100% certainty I would've rather had the exact same 7 1/2 years with him than 50 with someone else. No questions asked. People say we had a fairy tale romance due to the circumstances that brought us together and because we only knew each other for two months before we got married. We had a fairy tale love but not a fairy tale romance. There is a difference. Either way, it was real. Every single second. I have no regrets and that makes it easier. We loved each other so much and my mind is peaceful. No "what ifs". Just peace knowing he's better and I'll see him again.

Today is the first day I've been pretty much alone. I got my son up and had him clean his room. I didn't want to make him. I set up his first counseling appointment. Setting up appointments for him because his father was murdered is not something I ever thought I would have to do. My daughter has been spending a lot of time with my MIL because it's therapeutic for them both and my son needs alone time with me.

We're trying to get back to normal but we cannot get back to normal because our normal is gone. Now we're trying to figure out what our new normal is. I think that's the hardest thing. I took a bath while he started on his room. I realized I hadn't had one since Sunday. It's Thursday. It hasn't even crossed my mind. When I did get in the bath, I started to shave and thought, "Why am I shaving? It doesn't even matter." I almost felt like I was betraying him. Like the only reason I shave is for him. I shaved long before I met him, but it didn't matter. I thought about putting on make up so I didn't look dead and it felt like I was trying to impress someone. It's almost like I'm afraid if another man notices me I'm betraying him. Men have noticed me plenty of times while he was with me. How could it be a betrayal? I don't know, but it feels like one. We wound up not even leaving the house.

I need to clean my bathroom but I can't figure out when I'll be able to get his dirty clothes out of the floor. It's almost like if I remove them I'm removing him and his memory. I sleep with his shirt every night. It's comforting. I'm not in shock or denial. It just makes me feel better to be reminded of him. I had to mark myself as "widowed" on more than one piece of paperwork today. It was horrible.

He was so pretty. I got messages like these all day every day. I think I miss that the most.

We're watching Star Wars now and just talking about him and how much he loved this movie too. A stack of movies he never got to watch is still here. He was just the best. He really was. My old post about loving a LEO has had 28K+ views. It talks about how it's not glamorous. This is the epitome of that. No glamour to it. This is real life. He's really gone. He's really never coming back. I'll really never hear that velcro again. Don't make this life glamorous. Don't ever be that stupid.

There have been things happen during this time I would've never expected. Petty things. Things that would normally never be a second thought in my head but now they just make me furious. People posting numerous things about my husband but didn't take 5 minutes out of their partying to stop by or even call. We could obviously see how upset those people were. The ones not around post the most because they need the most attention. People who can't even tag him in a status because they were blocked from his pages but are all of a sudden his best friend. Seriously? People here didn't need attention. We know how upset they were because we were here to see it. People inserting themselves in the situation when they haven't cared about seeing or speaking to him in years but are all of a sudden so distraught over him being gone. I just want to scream "STOP!!! This is my LIFE. Every. Single. Day. I miss him. My whole life as I knew it was over and you had a nice party day this weekend." I haven't because I'm afraid if I let myself get angry I won't ever stop. There have been numerous people post and say things that don't see him that don't bother me because they're not trying to pretend they were super close or best friends or that they've been here for us. I know this probably sounds petty but it's amazing the things that bother you when it becomes about your murdered husband. At this point I guess I don't care who gets mad. I try to keep it to myself but if they run across this, oh well.

Either way, Week 1 is down and over. We survived and we'll survive the next week too unless it's our time to go. Life goes on. It may not be easy, but it is what it is.

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Week 2
Week 3

It's been a while....

I was just on Pinterest for a minute or two (or 60), and saw a few times where my 'What It's Like to Love a LEO' post had been shared and pinned numerous times. The descriptions were amazing. People I didn't know saying thank you to me (who they didn't know) for writing something they could 100% relate to. Ladies, I'm here to tell you that post is still completely relevant to me too. Especially with all the happenings going on lately. It has just been one struggle after another. 

Seeing my post pinned over and over also made me realize how much I missed blogging. I know it's useless, but it gives me a way to interact with people who understand whether I know them or not. I have been so busy lately I let the things that I do just for me slide. WHY??? I need that now more than ever. My personal LEO has been gone this week. It has been difficult. He is handling something with K-9 so he's hours away and I'm here, being Mom and Dad. And the maid. And the cook. And the disciplinarian. And the zookeeper. I won't keep going, even though I could. 

Anyway, my week. Let's recap: Monday Copper left. No big deal. He was here until lunch. About the time he left our 7 yr old pit bull got sick. From everywhere. It lasted all night. I'm not sure if I felt worse for him or me. Oh, me definitely because by that night I was sick too. Up until 4:30 am the. Took the littles to school.l and thankfully it was uneventful, so Tuesday was okay, just a loooong day. Had to work on some vinyl stuff, normal job, etc. But then Wednesday came and it brought an entirely different meaning of hell with it. Got the kids up and dressed. Little says she doesn't feel good and won't eat breakfast so she lays on the couch and wraps up in a comforter. I take Big to school bc it's not even 5 minutes away. Left her with the phone and locked her in. Get back and walked over to check for fever. At this moment she sits up and literally throws up onto my feet. I'm talking about in between my toes folks. This went on all day. Port thing. Oh, remember how the dog was sick Monday? It lasted through Tuesday morning but that was it. Until the minute I had the slime between my toes. What do I hear happening in the other room? I won't tell you. Let's just say it was worse - yes, WORSE - than the toe slime. This also went on all day. I was so glad for it to end. 

So, here I am on Thursday. I'm taking care of the farm plus doing the 2 jobs and I get a call from Big's teacher letting me know he painted a kid one day this week (how in the hell did that even happen and how come I'm only finding out now) and has been turning in no homework. Awesome. He is so smart but he despises homework. Makes both of our lives difficult. Deal with that, and not very well I hate to admit. I'm stressed and still not over being sick so I had a moment. Whatever. It happens. 

I would like to give a HUGE shoutout to the single parents. It is so hard. I do spend a lot of time alone but it feels different when you know that eventually they'll be home. Might be after a 20 hour shift but they will be. Knowing my backup is hours away sucks. You people that do this all the time as single parents are amazing and have my full respect. 

The kicker? He's gone next week too. Send prayers. :/

Thanks for listening to my rant. Feel free to share your horror stories with me. We can vent and rant together as only

our community can. Blue Family is the best family. 💙💙💙

My new jewelry hangers.

I have been especially stressed out lately. I'm not typically a stressed person, but there have been a million things going on that are just out of my control. I'm not a control freak, but I like to know where things are headed. I have been planning on making some jewelry hangers for a while. When I get stressed I get extra productive. It worked out well in this case, because I now have some really cool jewelry hangers. We caught all the knobs on sale at Hobby Lobby for 50% off and spent about an hour picking them out. Husband wanted his own, kids wanted to pick out some... Yeah, it was a long process. But I loved what we wound up with. These are just some pictures of how I finished them.

Had to cut the right length of board.

I found some wood left by the previous owners of our house under the porch. It was perfect. As you can see, I didn't have any big saws or anything else out. Since we moved we don't have a workshop and it was easier to just cut it than to go to my MIL's to do it. I just decided what length I needed, cut it, and took it to my kitchen sink and washed it off.  Also, please don't judge me below. I was still in pajamas. It was just one of those days. :/ My daughter decided to snap some random pictures so I thought I'd use one.

I measuerd all mine 2.5 inches apart and left that same amount hanging off each end. It balanced nicely.

Drilling some holes.

Counter sunk holes.

I did stain and polyacrylic the fronts before I added the knobs, but most people want the really distressed look now. If that was what I wanted I wouldn't have done anything to it. These are the drilled holes with the knobs and nuts already screwed in. I didn't need the washers. I used 2 drill bits for these holes. I did the smaller part first with a 1/4 inch bit (I think). Drilled those all the way through, then put on a 1/2 inch bit and drilled about halfway through the wood. I did it slowly and had no problems at all. I have never done this before so I was surprised I didn't screw it up. It was easy.




Then my DH used a sawzall with a diamond blade and shaved off the extra length from the knobs. I could have done it, but he likes using the saw. It does look like a tiger stripe on the back of it but you can't tell anywhere else. We could have gotten the grinder out and the back would have been much prettier, but seriously, who's looking at the back when it's on my wall?

He's so helpful

You can't see the saw marks even from the top.

We wound up with something that made us both very happy. We each have our own. I was so happy with the way it came out. There are teeth type picture hangers on the back. One on each end. It sits almost flush with the wall. He loved all the weird knobs, especially the dog head. Too bad they didn't have any breed specific knobs. K9 officers have one track minds sometimes.

This is mine.

This is is TJs.

And the first one I actually made was for my MIL's birthday. She has beachy stuff all over her house so we were able to find the perfect knobs for her. She loved it. Hers is going to have 2 screws attached to each corner and wire wrapped around them so that it will hang on the wall like string for a different look. Fits her house perfectly.

MIL's birthday present.

 So there you go. Fairly easy to make your own cute, custom jewelry hanger. I'm going to make an earring holder from the long cabinet and door handles at some point. Those are already bought and at home too, just haven't had time.

On a side note, if anyone see any knobs anywhere police related, please let me know! I think it would be awesome to have one to put in his office. I say jewelry holders, but it could be a coat rack during the winter as long as it's hung well.

What it's like to love a LEO.

Police Wife. This is a title. It is not a title to be taken lightly, just as Police Officer is not a title to be taken lightly. Even though it is a title that is heavy to carry, it is also one that should be carried proudly. I am proud of my husband and the sacrifices he makes. We are all the same. All of us. All the good police wives. We love our LEO's. We deal with all the crap that comes from their job. I feel very inclined to explain this since lately I have seen way too many girls casually date an officer and then complain about how difficult it is. That is not difficult. You have not earned the right to talk about how difficult it makes your life. I am going to point out some very key differences.

This one was pointed out by a friend and it's a very good example. Saying "Oh no, date night is cancelled" when your boyfriend can't make it to a movie on time is not difficult. Telling your children that you're sorry Daddy won't be home to tuck them in again even though he should've been home hours ago is difficult. Opening presents on Christmas morning without Daddy is difficult. Planning a birthday party around a bad schedule at a bad time just so he can be there and then still having it without him because he got a call out is difficult. Eating dinner as late as possible every night hoping he'll make it home is difficult. School functions, family get togethers, dinners, sleeping... these are all things you learn to do alone and maybe, just maybe, you'll get lucky enough that his schedule makes some time available for something.

We spend a lot of time listening to people talk about how bad LEO's are. We understand that there are some less-than-perfect officers out there. We also know that our husbands ARE NOT those officers. I'm sure you've eaten a bad peanut before, but that doesn't make you think every other peanut in the world is bad so why does this rule apply to LEO's? When you can sit around and talk with your buddies about how sucky officers are you are not invested. When you are invested in your officer, you don't want to hear it. You know when you hear about how an officer was rude on a traffic stop that there's a good chance he was at a call with beaten children right before that. Let's see you act like sunshine and rainbows after you just saw a wife that was beaten to the point they had to go to the hospital. Or had to extract a child from a meth lab. Or watched someone enable an addict by selling them more crack or heroin. Trust me, most people couldn't handle the everyday things officers deal with. Then they come home and guess who they vent to? Us. The wives. They don't give us names or gory details. We get just enough information to understand why they are the way they are tonight. We don't get mad because they may be in a less than pleasant mood. We also don't get mad when we have to take a backseat to our children because those little faces that light up when they see Daddy are his favorite thing to see at the end of the day. We just stand by proudly while he hugs them, glad he made it home to them one more day. We wait our turn, which is usually when he lays on the couch next to us and falls asleep. That is quality time.

When you're a police wife, your day starts when you see your hero getting into a bulletproof vest. Even if you're not home to see this, you know what time it is. That's when your day, no matter what else you have going on, begins. That's when the worry starts. When you have a LEO boyfriend for a week or two you may think it's sexy. It's not. When you have a LEO husband, you don't think about how sexy the uniform is. You think about how easy your life would be if he were getting dressed in anything else. You are not sending your boyfriend out in that uniform. You are sending the love of your life, the father to your children, the person you don't think you can live without, out in it. Not to mention you're sending him out to risk his life for people who for the most part don't appreciate him or even care at all. You think about how that bulletproof vest is hot and miserable for him during the summer but it may be the only thing that brings him home to you one night so you thank God he's hot and sweaty in it. You think about how he carries more than one firearm because he may need extra bullets to stay alive. You can take inventory of his duty belt as well as he can because you truly care about what is in it since those items, from handcuffs to tasers, are what get him home to you. And yes, when you look at him finally all put together you think about how good he looks in that uniform because of the reason he gets in it. Then you wait for hours for the sound of Velcro, because when you hear that you know he made it home one more night.

We are the group of people who are casually grocery shopping with our husbands only to turn around and realize they are nowhere near. We know this means that someone they arrested is nearby and they don't want us to be seen with them. When our husbands don't answer the phone we don't have a mini heart attack because we're jealous, we have one because our worst fears hit the surface. We automatically think they may have gotten shot. Every. Single. Time. We know that when we walk in a restaurant and sit down, we will have our back to the door because they have to observe what is happening and map exits. When we hear a "brother in blue" has been killed, we all mourn because it is a fear all too real for us. We respect firefighters, paramedics, and their wives because we know how their schedules can be and how dangerous their jobs can be. We also feel for our LEO's because they save just as many lives as those professions but they are hated for it. They are in the only life-saving career that most people hate to admit to. It's much easier to say "He works for the city" than to tell the full truth and listen to the stories people have about how some jerk cop pulled them over for going 30 over the speed limit even though they weren't hurting anyone (yet). We have watched them lose "friends" due to their career choice. We have also watched them gain brothers due to their career choice, just as we have gained sisters.

All of these are big things. There are also things to worry about like wrecks, having to send them out in bad weather when other people are heading in, the girls who see a badge or uniform and feel like they need to mess with them whether they are married or not. Just to clarify, most of us are not concerned that our husbands are going to mess around. Most of us are concerned that our husbands will have to arrest us after we find you and handle you for messing with our men. Relationships are hard on LEO's. Imagine being used to get someone out of a ticket, or hanging out with someone who decides you're not worth it because of your job. You think it's hard to wait tables when you're stressed out? It doesn't compare at all to protecting yourself and others daily in the most violent situations out there while stressed out. So if you're a badge bunny, stop. There are other people in the equation to think about. It's not glamorous being with a LEO. It's hard. Not all of us married LEO's. I didn't. I married a great man who I am so proud of for deciding to be an officer, but we took this journey together. I also know ladies who are not yet married to their officer but they have been together for a while through thick and thin and are not using their badge as a status symbol. One day ladies, you will be one of us. And we will welcome you with open arms. Please don't forget this because you will need all the support you can get at some point and we will be willing to give it.

Police Wife: One of the least gratifying but most important jobs out there. Thanks to all who do it well. Our boys could not make it without our unwavering support and love.

Supposedly simple baking instructions.

I've been baking a lot lately. I'm trying out different recipes and really enjoying it. Now. To begin with, I almost gave up. It didn't take me long to realize that people who baked and posted their delicious recipes assumed that everyone knew the difference in creaming, beating, whipping, folding... all of the basic terms. I have baked plenty of times before I decided to get serious and I just always used a whisk or fork or spoon or whatever was handy to accomplish any of those terms. For the most part I never had a problem with this because I always used boxed mixes. Making things from scratch is on a whole 'nother level. I'm going to outline some of these terms. Hopefully it'll help someone other than me.

• Creaming - Usually when you mix butter or cream cheese and sugar. The preferred method I use is to beat the room temperature butter first then add the sugar a little at a time until it has the texture of whipped cream (light and fluffy). I use my stand mixer for this and use the paddle attachment at medium speed.
• Beating - Generally uses a wire whisk which is to introduce air. It is a vigorous motion. I use the wire whisk attachment for my stand mixer and set it around 6 speed.
• Whipping - Almost the same as beating, except faster. Also a method used to incorporate air. I use 8-10 speed on my stand mixer for this.
• Folding - This means to combine with a spoon without losing a light texture. The best method for me has been to have the ingredients in a bowl, put my spatula underneath all the ingredients, and fold over the top. I just keep doing the same thing until it is mixed like it should be.
• Kneading - Basically folding with your hands. Do this on a counter. Fold one side into the middle and press down. Turn 90° and fold again. Do this until it is completely mixed.
• Softened - This means room temperature, not melted.
• Soft Peak - When you whip something until it forms peaks that bend at the top when you pull out the whisk.
• Stiff Peaks - When you whip something until it forms peaks that stand perfectly straight after you pull out the whisk.

This is boring and wordy, but all of these things were terms that I didn't know. Not knowing these things made for some unappealing desserts. Cookies that tasted really good but were so floury they were hard to chew, flat cakes... I could go on. Things are turning out much better now. Later on I'm going to try and post pictures of some of these things.

You say goodbye and I say hello.

I was listening to The Beatles on my way to work this morning. Such a great way to start the day. The song Hello Goodbye (one of my favorites) came on. Which made me automatically think about the fact that today is the last day of 2013 even though the song isn't about that. That led to rememberance of the many Facebook statuses I've already seen on the subject. Most are a variance of "new year, new me", "2013 can kiss my ass", "2014 is going to be the BEST EVER!!!!"... yeah, the same ones all of you have seen and possibly posted. The very same ones that I saw last year. And the year before that. And the year before that. And the year before that...

This is how my 2013 felt. Bright and shiny.

It just seems like everyone is so ready to say Goodbye to 2013 and Hello to 2014. I'm afraid to post a status on Facebook about it because I see a huge backlash coming from it as in I think I'm perfect and better than everyone else. Not that a fear of backlash would stop me from posting it. If I want to I will. I just think it's sad that I have a valid reason to think a happy post would make some people cringe. Well, start cringing because this is why I'm saying Goodbye to 2013 with no hopes of things having to get better, just that they stay the way they are because I'm happy. Happy! People, did ya hear that? Some people in the world are happy! There have been times I haven't been but I am now. And I don't want to feel bad for that.

I'm not perfect. My life is not perfect. I don't want it to sound that way. My husband and I both work very hard for what we have. I'm a great friend. I'm honest. I'm there if you need me. I try to be the best mom I can. I yell. I get angry. I try to be as good of a wife to my husband as he is a husband to me. But even with all the faults I am still happy because I make the best out of it and spend as much time with my family as possible because that is what keeps me going. There are things people can't control but you can control whether or not to be happy with what you have and at the very least make a conscious decision to TRY to make the best of it. I wish you the best of luck on this from the bottom of my heart because everyone deserves to be happy.

This is how my 2013 went. A lot of it in pictures. It started off busy as always after the holidays and the kids being out of school. We started paperwork on selling our house. It took FOREVER. It was also bittersweet. I mean, we were ready for something bigger but still... it was our 1st house.

This was taken while we were buying it.
Goodbye house. :'(

We went to the circus.

I made my 1st cake for Easter.

I felt like this a lot.

Ate some sushi.

I felt like this ALL the time.

Got my hair to do something I wanted it to one time.

Took the hubs out for Father's Day.

I felt like I should since this happens.

Even though that happens I feel this way about him every day.

I made these faces WAY too much.

My baby girl turned 4.

I said things I probably shouldn't.

Got Bacon off to her 1st day of school EVER
 & B to 3rd grade.

Enjoyed our new backyard.

Went and saw some animals.

B joined Cub Scouts.

We went to a fair.

My husband made these faces. A lot.

Took both the kids on a Cub Scout
camping trip.

Dressed up for Halloween.

And had an awesome Christmas with all of our family.

I honestly cannot complain. 2013 was good to me and I hope somewhere out there it was good to some other people too. I can't imagine it being any better. I will say that I hope we find more time for things like camping and traveling. We've come to realize we all enjoy those things, and even more so when we get to do them together. So Hello 2014! I hope you treat me as well as 2013. And Goodbye 2013. You were great to me. I will truly miss you.

Happy New Year!