Thursday, August 11, 2016

Week 14: First Day of School! 😒

As usual, here's your warning for a long emotional post. Don't say I didn't warn you. Now, first day of school. Omg. Seriously, it sucked. There is not a good way to say it. I barely slept the night before. I got up and sat around for a few minutes to get it together. Getting the kids up wasn't easy. We'd gotten back on a better night schedule last week but they still didn't want to get up at 6:00am. I didn't either. Little #2 said, "Mom, it's weird with you getting me up." She was right. It was weird. We got breakfast, dressed, backpacks, supplies, and teeth brushed with no real issues. I was surprised. There were officers that offered to go with us but the kids wanted it to be as normal as it could so we just took one friend. Little #1 asked him to go. I think he just wanted some male support. 

When we got in the truck to leave L2 got a little emotional but we turned on a fun song and distracted her. When we got to her school I walked her to her classroom. It went fairly well. I shed a few tears on the way back to the truck but cleared them up quick. I didn't want L1 to see me upset. 

We decided on the way to his school that we would see what everyone else was doing before we made a solid decision on whether or not I'd walk him to class. We did see a few parents going in but mostly they didn't so I let him go by himself. Ugh. It was an awful feeling. As I watched him walk away it hit me just how grown he really is. It also reminded me how much he's grown up just in the last 3 months. He's as tall as me and wears a shoe 3 sizes bigger. He aspires to be a police officer. He has his own hopes and dreams. He is growing up and it is a love/hate thing for me. 

Both kids had a great day. I don't know if I've ever been more relieved in my life. I did text L1 once during the day just in case he checked it but he didn't. He's been great about that. We stopped and got milkshakes after school. 

That night L1 got dinner with a friend and L2 stayed with her BicBic. I had dinner with 2 amazing ladies. One is another police wife who lost her husband in the line of duty and the other is a fire wife who lost her husband as well. I thought on the way there, "Am I doing this? Am I a widow going to meet 2 other widows right now?" Again, how did my life get here y'all? Anyway, it wound up being a great dinner. We laughed so much. It's unfortunate but we're now in an invisible club nobody wants to be a member of. At least my club mates are gorgeous and cool. :)

Saturday was my nephews birthday party but we missed it. I wasn't with the traveling yet but that didn't matter. Both kids made plans. L1 invited one of his friends since Pre-K over for Saturday night and L2 had also made plans with a friend of hers to go skating. I was so upset we missed my little mans party but they both had a great weekend. I think they needed it. They were worn out afterward though. 

I got a ton of stuff done over the weekend too. The bestie came over and we cleaned everything. The amount of things we've received, including boxes of cards and letters, is unbelievable. All of it was in my dining room. I needed it gone. I couldn't bring myself to do it, so the whole crew got together and moved it. It was hard but the next morning when I walked in my dining room it didn't feel like a death room anymore. That might sound harsh but it was depressing. At least now I can breathe. I'll go through it all again later when I can. I also got my a/c for my office installed. Thank god for good friends. 

We had a mini craft night and dinner with friends that night too. It was so relaxing and all the baby shower decor we worked on came out great. 

Monday rolled around. Getting up sucked just as bad as Friday. I still don't sleep much so I was so tired when I got up. L1 was late by 2 minutes. We knew it would take some time to work out their morning schedule. It was so frustrating, but they didn't count him tardy since it was the 2nd day. I went home and sat in the clean house for about an hour while I cried over nothing. When I say nothing what I really mean is I cried over everything possible.  Then I went back to bed. The whole day wasn't awful. I got up, did some things around the house, and waited for the kids. They were so excited to tell me about their days which were both great apparently. L1's anxiety was down a ton. I could see it and it made me feel much better. The next day L2 was late. Another fail on the morning schedule. Since she was going to be late either way we hit a drive thru and got breakfast. It was nice. They both had great days again. I also got some pics of the wedding they were in. They're beautiful.

Yesterday had me questioning myself. Am I getting depressed? Why am I back to crying every single day? I've gotten at least one migraine (a real one, not a bad headache) a week for a month now. I've thought it through and am convinced it isn't depression. Getting back into a routine really makes you see the changes. Summer is always a little hectic but school isn't. Not to mention the pure amount of stress that was removed in the past week (death room, first day of school). I think it has all just come to a head and my hormones and emotions are trying to balance out. The perks of this day were nobody was late to school (Hallelujah!) and L1 was excited about pulling a tooth.  

Today is just a blah day. I did manage to get a pic with L1 on the way to school. I finished up filling out all the school paperwork that was supposed to have been in Monday. The paperwork had crossed my mind but I ignored it. Having to fill it out with nobody to list on it but me was hard. So hard. I'd fill out a piece and cry some. I will say this: My face is smooth this week. I have cried and wiped it so much there is no dead skin anywhere. Silver lining folks. That's all I can say. I'm hoping next week is better than this week. I need these emotions to flatline because they're killing me. 

I am grateful for every single person that reads this blog and thinks of us. People offer up prayers, words of hope, and the best: their stories. People who have read something I've written and felt moved enough by it to share their story with me. The amount of grief I've come to realize is out there is far surpassed by the sheer amount of strength I see in the people who deal with it and fight it every day. I just want to say it really does mean something. 

Thursday, August 4, 2016

Week 13: Will school ever start back?

I just dreaded school this whole week. I know that sounds like a broken record but I did. I need tomorrow to get here so at least the dread will go away. It's so stressful. I did have a lot of random things go on this week so I was distracted a little. 

Friday I had dog kennels poured. That was a project he was working on and had already talked about so I did it. Since the kennels were already coming I had the guys doing it pour a walkway to my front door as well. It's never mattered but now so many people stop by (which is nice) that sometimes my underwear are in the laundry room in front of unsuspecting folks. Haha. You have to go through it if you come in through the garage so I'm hoping the walkway will be a deterrent for garage entry now. I did wonder how many people would judge my walkway and kennels as me "just spending money" so I didn't tell anyone except a handful of people. It wouldn't matter that we had talked about it and planned accordingly. That is a frustrating thing to worry about. Why does it matter to people? These aren't people who worry about me financially. People who know me well worry about that the least. It's just talking. It happens everywhere so I know y'all know what I mean.

I also decided to go ahead and buy myself a new vehicle. This is not a decision I made lightly. We had talked for a year about getting something bigger while going through options. We knew what we wanted so when I decided to take the plunge it was easy as far as that was concerned. I still have all of the same reasons for needing it other than one person being in it. We had been putting money back for it and planned to purchase right after the kids got out of school. It just took me a little longer. It is a huge change since I've driven the same car for 15 years and I HATE to spend money. I really do. All jokes aside, it breaks my heart. Lol. I spent Friday evening at the dealership. It was my first big purchase alone. They did have to transfer a vehicle so I couldn't pick it up until Monday but everything was handled Friday. It was a little stressful but it went great. The only thing I didn't get was black wheels and since anyone who knows TJ knows how big of a deal that would be to him I'm going to spend the little bit extra and get some so we can have exactly what we wanted. I do what I can. 😀

Saturday I went school shopping again with a friend and his kids. I learned school shopping is stressful no matter who you are. Haha. I had to pick up a gift card for one of my best friends' son since his party was the next day. Normally I'm the fun gifter but he's growing like a weed and needs lots of clothes and to throw away some toys like every other kid I know so I got what he needed. The party was the next day and my whole crew was there so I didn't freak out once. Even when it got rained out and the crowd packed inside I held it together. Okay, there was one time I laughed at a kid that fell down but I don't think that counts. And yes, it was funny. Had it been an adult I may have laughed even harder. Kid was fine by the way. I'm not heartless. Isn't the birthday boy precious? 💙

Monday was truck day! I'm not a bells and whistles kind of person but I do love the satellite radio. Of course it rained while I was driving it home. I learned the buttons and knobs real quick. Need those wipers! Lol. I was so apprehensive about spending the money on it that I couldn't get very excited about it. Sad I know. Plus I didn't post it anywhere because of people talking about my spending habits. I just didn't feel like justifying my purchase to a thousand different people. Even with all of that, Tuesday morning when the kids got home and L2 said, "Mom! It's like a spaceship in here. Dad would love this thing!," I managed to get excited. 

I also found the best picture of a memory from 4 years ago on Timehop that day so it was an especially happy morning. 

Yesterday I flooded my laundry room. I washed actual carpet that had been ripped out of the floor of my linen closet by someone who didn't even ask (it was fine and funny) because something had gotten spilled and soured. Carpet lets so many fibers go in the washer that it wouldn't drain. I figured out what to do last time this happened so that wasn't an issue. The issue was it was a 3 person job the last time and now there was just me. So I drained it. It flooded. I threw tons of clean towels in the floor to soak up dirty water. I cussed. I mopped. I cussed some more. I threw all the wet stuff in the mudsink, started washing loads of nasty wet stuff, and then I cussed a little more. Before you ask, yes, it did make me feel better. 

After that catastrophe we had errands to run so we did those and got to L1's Open House about 5:45. We met all of his teachers and they seemed great. Since his aunt teaches at the school he's going to this year we're hoping that if he does have a bad day he can escape to her long enough to calm down and gather himself. He's pretty excited about that. I think he really is afraid he'll have a breakdown in front of people. It has happened once before and he hated it. Dinner and bed came quickly after all the Open House excitement. They have got to get on a normal schedule again. Ugh. 

Today was L2's Open House. I wasn't worried about her at all. Her age makes her much more resilient the rest of us. It makes me sad for her every time I think about how much she won't remember but it also makes me glad that she isn't going through exactly what we are. She's a sun in the dark for me sometimes. We got school supplies together during the day so we were ready to go when it was time. I even managed to help a friend with some baby shower decorations. It's nice to help and have something productive to do. 

Another week down. Tomorrow is the big day. Send up some prayers or vibes or whatever you think will help because I can tell you now it's going to suck.

Thursday, July 28, 2016

Week 12: Getting Ready to go Back to School

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This week was okay. I stayed busy most of the time. Between school shopping and stuff I have let go at home I've got plenty to do. Having to get it done made me get out of the house some and I needed that. I still don't like going places. I just don't like dealing with people. I know that sounds harsh but most of the time someone still says something that sets me off so it's easier not to talk. Puts me in this mood.

Since I was not able to avoid shopping completely I tried to enjoy it as much as possible. I went with friends, made a dinner date out of it, whatever. It just helped to not have to do it alone since I never have before. Knowing the first day of school was coming up just made the whole week worse for me. I was dreading it when it was still 2 weeks away. School is going to be the biggest change for the kids. They need the schedule and routine that comes with it but their dad always took them to school except for a few times each year. They're not used to Mom doing it. Little 1 is also changing schools. It's his first year of middle school and he has moved to a different area than most of his old classmates so he'll only have maybe one person he knows in his class. I'm just anxious about the whole situation I think. We've never had a First Day of School without Dad and we're all going to have a hard time with it.

Okay, so back to school shopping. I did a ton of shopping over FaceTime and text message since The Littles were still at the beach Friday and Saturday. It amazes me how far things have come and how much things have changed. I'm walking around the store with a mini computer videoing a shopping trip to children on a beach so they can see what I see. How could anyone think that is not amazing? L2 picked out her backpack but L1 wants to use the same one he's used the last 2 years. He also wants to use the same binder. That is a trait he picked up from me. I like old and familiar much more than new and flashy. He has also gotten to the age where he needs to pick out his own stuff and he is SO picky. He likes things that are very plain and it's so hard to find stuff like that. I know because I like very plain things and I can't ever find anything either. That's okay though because it gave me an excuse to talk to them a bunch while they were gone without being an overbearing mom. 😁

They did come back on Sunday so we went and got all of their "boring supplies". I think the exact sentence was, "Can't you just go get all the boring supplies? I just want to pick out my shoes." Um, no. They were so going with me. If I had to do the boring part they were going to do it with me. So we spent some more time school shopping together and doing stuff at home the rest of the week. We just have so much to do at home. They're also leaving tomorrow for one last trip with another set of grandparents. They're going to an aquarium and a few other places so it'll  be a nice week for them. I had to keep the combat boots to a minimum since that's all she wants to wear now. She is so mine. I love when she dresses herself like this. :)

This wasn't a terrible week. I have just really dreaded school starting back the entire time. When the routine changes is when I notice things the most. Can't change that so I just push through it. He did work a lot but it doesn't mean I don't notice he's not here and lately it's been more than usual. Weird how things change. I'm just trying to make sure they change for the better. 

If you would like to read more you can find the previous and next post linked below.
Week 13

Thursday, July 21, 2016

Week 11: Headstones and Tattoos

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Last week basically continued this week. It was the longest week. The kids came home Saturday since they stayed with their grandparents after we left the beach. I was so glad to see them when they got here. The after math of the panic attack continued for days. It's been so long since I had one I had forgotten how awful they could be and how much of a long lasting effect they can have.

Friday was actually a decent day aside from the headache that wouldn't quit. Bojar had been in training for 4 weeks and I got to go get him. I was so glad to see him. He has done so well with his training. I got him first thing in the morning so  I took him home and dropped him off in the kennel while I ran out to buy dog food. I also had to pick up a set of shock collars since training has to be continuous. When we got home the very first thing he did was get in my bed. He did not chew it up and got down when instructed so that was a nice change. Obviously he can still smell DH in the bed being a German Shepard trained to work with scents but now he can control chewing a hole in the mattress. I was genuinely relieved to bring him home. It was like another piece of DH was here with me. I need things to be familiar as much as possible at home. Outside places change all the time no matter what but home should be a constant. Now he's back and it's familiar and comforting.

The kids got home Saturday so I got a short visit from my dad when he brought them back. It was my grandmother's birthday so he had to leave out early to get to dinner with her on time. We didn't do much of anything. The kids had some friends over that evening and the next so we just all hung around the house. We are trying to get closets cleaned out and rooms deep cleaned. It's an ongoing project unfortunately. They left again Tuesday for the beach with my MIL. They spent a lot of time fishing and hunting Pokemon I've been told.

Tuesday was also the day of the Grand Jury hearing for the man who caused the wreck. I avoided social media like the plague. I spoke to the ADA after and he told me what happened as briefly as he could. I thanked him and tried to go on about my day. It was one of the hardest days I've had. I try to keep my distance.from those situations but it isn't always easy. I just sort of floated through the rest of the day. It was miserable. Peppermint and orange oils were my best friends that day.

Wednesday I had a meeting at the funeral home to pick up a book and go over headstone details. I thought over and over, "Am I really 31 years old and picking out a headstone for my husband who was just killed? Is this real life?" Unfortunately yes, it is real life. It is painful but also beautiful. Like when the lady who worked at the funeral  home asked if she could pray for me and I told her yes. She prayed one of the most heartfelt prayers I have ever heard that brought me to my knees. This is a woman I didn't even know but who I instantly connected with. She had her own type of loss in her past and she knew what I was going through. I know not everyone believes in prayer but whether or not you do doesn't change the fact that someone being so humble and doing the one thing they believe will help most in the world is amazing and beautiful.

After I left the funeral home I went to the tattoo shop one of his best friends works at. It's also where we got our annual Halloween anniversary tattoo (and any others we have) and I haven't seen it or the friend since the funeral. He's called and checked on me plenty but sometimes seeing certain people is hard. It was hard and I cried and cried like a blubbering idiot, especially after the funeral home right before that. It was so good to see him. I  felt better and I know he did too.

Thursday has been fairly uneventful thank God. Thursdays are always a little off for me because it adds one more week to the length of time it's been. I know I'm going to write this blog and I know that means I'm going to have to reflect on things that happened whether they were good or bad. Truthfully I get very anxious about writing this blog now that so many people have started reading it. I've always been a very private person and while I'm glad people check on me and care what is going on I almost want to shrink back and keep it all in. I just keep thinking it might help someone one day so I keep going. Emotions are the best right? *sigh* That's just life. It is what it is.

If you would like to read more you can find the previous and next post linked below.
Week 12

Thursday, July 14, 2016

Week 10: Beach Time!

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Thank God this week is over. That is all I can say. So many firsts this week. So much emotion. So little sleep. Just thank God it's over. Okay, obviously I've got to give you a little more than that so here goes. Fair warning, if you keep reading it's probably going to be long and emotional. If that's not what you want today read later or not at all. 

It's going to be best to just go day by day, so I'll start with Friday. Friday I had to pick up a pale yellow bowtie for Little #1 for a wedding he was in THE. NEXT. DAY. *facepalm* I should have done this already but I've been a little distracted. The Littles spent the night with their BicBic (my MIL) Thursday since they had been gone and I'd have them all weekend so luckily I didn't have to drag them around with me. At this point I should mention I had already forgotten her headband (she's in the wedding too) and his shoes. I had handled those things only the day before. I found the bowtie much quicker than expected and had a couple other things to do so I finished up and got home. I washed all their clothes the night before so I still had to pack a few things. While packing I realized he didn't have the shirt he needed and she didn't have shoes that fit. I was about to have a meltdown at this point because through all of this I was also dreading the trip. I love my family but crowds are not my friend at all lately so just the thought made me anxious. Plus lots of time to think on a 3.5 hour drive I should have been making with my husband if everything went right. I got the kids, got on the way, and realized I forgot L#1's medication and Little #2's dress. Yep, the dress she had to wear in the wedding. Kill me now. So we made it to the rehearsal dinner at 6:35. We were only 5 minutes late but I had 2 hours to spare originally and it was SO hot. All petty problems I know but I have zero nerves left. Then I basically flipped out on my aunt that night. She and her husband were arguing so I tried to joke and end the argument. She popped back with, "It's my husband and I'll speak to him how I want." "At least you still have a husband to argue with," fell out of my face before I knew what was happening. It was over after that. She hadn't really done anything wrong. People argue all the time and it wasn't serious. I just apologized over and over, tried to explain that negativity literally makes my brain hurt, and realized the first of two debilitating issues this has caused me. The first is the fear of saying something you'll regret and won't be able to take back if something happens. It haunts my every conversation. I spent the rest of the night pretending I had stubbed my toe really hard and that was why I was crying and upset to a 7 year old. It was an all night thing almost. I passed out hours later still crying. It was like all the stress fell on me at once and being away from home made it worse. If you made it through that, let me remind you that was only Day 1. 

Saturday was the wedding. The morning was nice. I felt awful from the night before but that didn't stop me from taking L2 down to the beach. It was just us since L1 spent the night with his papa the night before instead of staying with us. We also ate lunch with my aunt. It was like nothing ever happened because we both understand the other is stressed. All the smiles in the pictures below prove you can never know what is going on in someone else's head because smiling was literally the last thought in my head.

I had to have the kids to the picture location at 4. We were there on time. At the wrong place. In my defense I had been told the wrong place, but still. Late again. Ugh. So we finally get there to take pictures and it was hot. A beach wedding in the South is hot in July. They were over at 5:15 for us and I had to take L2 back to the room before the wedding. If I hadn't let her cool down she wouldn't have walked down the aisle. We made it to the actual wedding on time so at least there's that. She's so beautiful. She really looks like a little angel.

The reception was fun. We danced and had a good time for a couple of hours. That night we swam until about 1am. They went in and fell asleep pretty much instantly and I stayed up all night and had another meltdown. I slept about 3 hours. I was so glad to see Sunday. I actually spent some time at the beach Sunday and Monday and headed home Tuesday. That part was actually a break. It  was nice to just be somewhere without anything I had to do. I should have been at home doing things but I don't feel bad about it at all.

Monday I had a full blown panic attack. I got a call  that morning from the ADA letting me know the Grand Jury Hearing was the next week. I had been waiting for the panic attack to happen.  I could feel  it and have no idea how I held it in so long. It's good to have people to take care of you because I needed it then and I needed it the rest of the week. It took me a while to recover from it. My hormones were out of whack (like they were in whack to begin with) and it just drained me when I didn't have anything left to drain. I ignored everyone basically all week and tried to just post on Facebook once or twice that I was alive so nobody worried too much. I know that doesn't sound like much of a break but it really was. I got it out of my system and had I been home I probably would have broken a ton of shit so I think it worked out perfectly.

This was an awful week completely. No reason to sugar coat it. But it's over and a new week is starting. I'm hoping it's going to be better. Either way, it is what it is.

If you would like to read more you can find the previous and next post linked below.
Week 11

Thursday, July 7, 2016

Week 9: Thank you Team Blue Line!

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This week was another relatively boring one. I would like to clarify that when I say relatively boring, it means the ups and downs were manageable. It does not mean I felt great 24/7. Nothing over-the-top happened. It was just life. My mom came into town Friday. She spent the night with my granny then came to  the house Saturday with Little #2 in tow. I was so ready to  see them both. It had been 2 whole weeks. That is a looooong time for my child to be gone but she had a blast with Nana and Pawpaw. She got to open a birthday present she received in the mail from Team Blue Line. You should check them out if you have time. They do races and all types of fundraisers for fallen officers. They are just starting and already doing a great job. I've enjoyed working with them.

While Mom was here we did some shopping. Kids are still outgrowing everything plus school is coming up. It never ends does it? I was so glad to see my nephew. He's had a really hard time with everything. He just doesn't understand and all bagpipes and police officers remind him.

They left with Nana again to go on an out-of-town vacation Sunday.

I didn't do much while they were gone. When they leave so does most of my motivation. If it weren't for them I'd be gone, no doubt. I did manage to get the house cleaned up some. There is always something to do. I don't really know how since nobody is here most of the time. I think it's mostly because I'm constantly packing and unpacking the kids due to all the traveling they do during the summer. I still believe that going is better for them and me. I like to have all my emotions in check when they're around. I let them see me get upset but I do not want them to see me broken.

I did eat lunch with a longtime friend this week. Her husband is in the military so we don't get to see each other often and it was great. It's always good to talk to people who don't judge you when it seems like everyone else is. They understand your needs are different from what most of society thinks they should be. Everyone's are different. I've had to learn to stop feeling guilty for basically being alive when TJ isn't. I have the thought all the time that what I'm doing isn't fair because he can't do it too and that is no way to be. It doesn't help when people act like doing something for yourself is selfish. It seems crazy to think that other than my few closest friends (maybe 5 people) my biggest support for doing things for myself and just being generally happy is my mom, MIL, and his closest friends. They actually want to see me happy whether I do it the way they think I should or not. They don't push, they encourage. God forbid this ever happens to you, but if it does you  will see that a lot of the people you thought would be amazing about the situation are, for lack of a better word, shitty. You would be amazed at the things people have said to and about me. Most of these people are ones I hear from maybe once every couple of weeks.

I've had to learn to ignore things. I have never been good at ignoring things. I have to learn this lesson about once a week. It was a long week and I feel like next week won't be any better. I hope so but there's a lot to do including some traveling so I doubt it. I guess we'll see. It is what it is.

If you would like to read more you can find the previous and next post linked below.

Week 8
Week 10

Thursday, June 30, 2016

Week 8: Taking Care of Business

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This week started off with Little #1 getting home from church camp. By Friday I was so ready to see him. I know he had fun but he also had some hard times I couldn't be there for and I hate that for him. I had a nice surprise waiting when he got home. We went together and got a cell phone for him. He had no idea why we were there until we were leaving and I handed him his new phone. He hugged me and the customer service person remarked how he'd never seen a child hug a parent for getting them a phone. I guess most feel entitled so it was a nice compliment for me. L#1 just told him how much he loves his mama and that he hugs me all the time. ☺️ We stopped by a couple more places, went home, and did nothing together. It was great. 

Saturday we went to lunch and a movie. I got outvoted so we saw Independence Day 2 instead of Finding Dory. It turned out to be really good so it was fine. Went home after and just hung out. Nice, relaxing day.

The rest of the weekend was pretty uneventful. Monday was another counseling appointment for L#1. It went very well. He's starting to open up some. It was his hardest session yet. His emotions were still a little raw from camp. He did take the therapists advice and cut back on the video games on his own which was very nice. I was dreading having to cut him back even though I knew it needed to be done. He had a checkup with his doctor Monday afternoon. Everything was fine and he was excited about seeing his doctor so it worked out great. We went out to eat with our best friends and their kids that evening then hung out at the house so the boys could see each other. Good ending to the night for him. 

Tuesday I had a meeting with a lawyer. Please make sure you get a Will done if you don't already have one. Dealing with stuff on my end shouldn't be too difficult but it would be much simpler with a will. I didn't want to but I've learned it's best right now to have a lawyer. There is so much paperwork that even though that's my actual job, I just can't get through it all. 

Wednesday was fairly uneventful. Went to lunch with L#1 and shopped with a friend to help her find some stuff for her new job. Came home, laid around, and went to bed. Another nice relaxing day. 

Today I went to a bench dedication. The vet office that handles all of the K-9's for our Sheriff's Office dedicated a bench and put a very nice plaque out beside it in TJ's memory. It's beautiful and such a sweet gesture of remembrance. It was a little emotional. I held it together until I got home. I hibernated in my room for about an hour and then I was done. Pick it up and move it along. 

A man also handmade a model car to match our cruisers and had custom decals made for it. You can see more of his work here. It's beautiful. Just more things people have amazed me by doing. Some of the things are so considerate and thoughtful it's unreal.

You can probably tell a lot of the excitement has died down. We are in the new normal rut right now. We're basically going through the motions from day to day. I'm glad they're getting plenty of time to adjust during the summer instead of having to deal with school but it's also very unstructured. We just hang out a lot of days and wait on the next day to get here. I think that'll change some when school starts back. I think school is going to have an entirely different set of issues this year. I guess we'll find out. It is what it is. 

If you would like to read more please click below.