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This week started off with me not having to take the kids to school again. My MIL likes to take the kids since Friday is her one off morning. I am always grateful because that one morning just makes so much difference. By Friday my nerves are shot from staying up all night and not sleeping all day every day. The day was uneventful thankfully. I spent most of it worrying about the next weekend since there was a memorial and then a LEO appreciation church service. I started freaking out. I didn't realize before that part of the memorial was to be held at the crash site. I haven't gone there so I wasn't looking forward to it at all.
Saturday was so much fun. People came over, saved my sanity, and had a blast. We made bath bombs, cooked, watched football (Isn't this the best time of year?), and had some drinks. Every single one of us had a sucky week and none of us was looking forward to the next week so we made the most of it.
Sunday was one of those days. We got up, went to breakfast, and then I literally cried all day. No, I don't know why. I do understand I have a dead husband and most people say that's reason enough but it still sucks when you can't pinpoint what the issue is. Turned out the actual issue happened to be that I was getting sick so I felt like crap. I still had a rough day no matter the reason. I worried about how there is nobody to get the kids but me. What happens if I get sick and can't get them to school? I can't even put them on the bus because L1 doesn't have a bus that comes by here since he's at a different school. Sometimes the amount of pure responsibility that is on me now just weighs me down. It's no different than a lot of other peoples but it's new to me. Oh, on top of all that the transmission went out in the truck my BFF was borrowing on Sunday too. I knew it was going to happen so it was no big deal but it's still just one more thing.
After Sunday, I knew I would do nothing Monday. So I didn't even try. I just decided to take that time. I was so drained. I managed to get out of bed, get the kids to school, and call the mechanic so he could get the truck picked up so I'll call that one a win and move on. Tuesday was much better. I was told they were moving the location of the memorial from the crash site. I was thankful for that. There was so much hard work put into it that I didn't want to say anything but it turned out that some of the officers didn't think they would be able to go there. That was enough for me. I will not put my boys through more than they've already had to go through. A lot of them carry guilt they don't deserve to carry. Had my DH not given his all for them and they had gotten killed it would've killed him anyway.
Wednesday I decided what tattoo I would get. His BFF used a program and turned his voice into a sound wave of some sort. I have dropped off the file and will be getting it tattooed on me sometime soon. I have gone back and forth between what to get so finally making the decision was a relief. I have chronicled my entire life with tattoos and this is the biggest thing I've ever had happen to me. Not in a good way but that's life.
Today I was still sick and so was L2. I will be having her iron checked next week. We went to L1's soccer tryouts tonight. I expected them to be much longer. I did find out they've been moved to 8 instead of 7:30 which sucks since my kids are in bed by 8:30. I let them watch TV for a little while after they go to bed to wind down but I can't do that with practice starting at 8. Ugh. Oh well. He loves it and he's pretty good. He's been playing for years. After practice I had a talk with my MIL. It was much needed for both of us I think. She has started counseling and I'm proud of her for that. It's hard to admit you need help. Her mother passed away 6 months before her son and her husband passed 9 years ago (she is remarried to a wonderful man now) so it's been especially stressful for her as well. I hope the counseling helps. DH may not need her anymore but we do. <3
We did discover a new app this week and we've been wearing it out. It's just fun and funny. You can watch a couple of the videos here. Maybe you'll get a laugh out of them because we definitely did. :) It wasn't very long ago I would've told L2 that I wouldn't do that with her. I don't even know why. Because somebody might think we looked silly? Oh well. I don't even care anymore.