Thursday, July 10, 2014

What it's like to love a LEO.


Police Wife. This is a title. It is not a title to be taken lightly, just as Police Officer is not a title to be taken lightly. Even though it is a title that is heavy to carry, it is also one that should be carried proudly. I am proud of my husband and the sacrifices he makes. We are all the same. All of us. All the good police wives. We love our LEO's. We deal with all the crap that comes from their job. I feel very inclined to explain this since lately I have seen way too many girls casually date an officer and then complain about how difficult it is. That is not difficult. You have not earned the right to talk about how difficult it makes your life. I am going to point out some very key differences.

This one was pointed out by a friend and it's a very good example. Saying "Oh no, date night is cancelled" when your boyfriend can't make it to a movie on time is not difficult. Telling your children that you're sorry Daddy won't be home to tuck them in again even though he should've been home hours ago is difficult. Opening presents on Christmas morning without Daddy is difficult. Planning a birthday party around a bad schedule at a bad time just so he can be there and then still having it without him because he got a call out is difficult. Eating dinner as late as possible every night hoping he'll make it home is difficult. School functions, family get togethers, dinners, sleeping... these are all things you learn to do alone and maybe, just maybe, you'll get lucky enough that his schedule makes some time available for something.

We spend a lot of time listening to people talk about how bad LEO's are. We understand that there are some less-than-perfect officers out there. We also know that our husbands ARE NOT those officers. I'm sure you've eaten a bad peanut before, but that doesn't make you think every other peanut in the world is bad so why does this rule apply to LEO's? When you can sit around and talk with your buddies about how sucky officers are you are not invested. When you are invested in your officer, you don't want to hear it. You know when you hear about how an officer was rude on a traffic stop that there's a good chance he was at a call with beaten children right before that. Let's see you act like sunshine and rainbows after you just saw a wife that was beaten to the point they had to go to the hospital. Or had to extract a child from a meth lab. Or watched someone enable an addict by selling them more crack or heroin. Trust me, most people couldn't handle the everyday things officers deal with. Then they come home and guess who they vent to? Us. The wives. They don't give us names or gory details. We get just enough information to understand why they are the way they are tonight. We don't get mad because they may be in a less than pleasant mood. We also don't get mad when we have to take a backseat to our children because those little faces that light up when they see Daddy are his favorite thing to see at the end of the day. We just stand by proudly while he hugs them, glad he made it home to them one more day. We wait our turn, which is usually when he lays on the couch next to us and falls asleep. That is quality time.

When you're a police wife, your day starts when you see your hero getting into a bulletproof vest. Even if you're not home to see this, you know what time it is. That's when your day, no matter what else you have going on, begins. That's when the worry starts. When you have a LEO boyfriend for a week or two you may think it's sexy. It's not. When you have a LEO husband, you don't think about how sexy the uniform is. You think about how easy your life would be if he were getting dressed in anything else. You are not sending your boyfriend out in that uniform. You are sending the love of your life, the father to your children, the person you don't think you can live without, out in it. Not to mention you're sending him out to risk his life for people who for the most part don't appreciate him or even care at all. You think about how that bulletproof vest is hot and miserable for him during the summer but it may be the only thing that brings him home to you one night so you thank God he's hot and sweaty in it. You think about how he carries more than one firearm because he may need extra bullets to stay alive. You can take inventory of his duty belt as well as he can because you truly care about what is in it since those items, from handcuffs to tasers, are what get him home to you. And yes, when you look at him finally all put together you think about how good he looks in that uniform because of the reason he gets in it. Then you wait for hours for the sound of Velcro, because when you hear that you know he made it home one more night.

We are the group of people who are casually grocery shopping with our husbands only to turn around and realize they are nowhere near. We know this means that someone they arrested is nearby and they don't want us to be seen with them. When our husbands don't answer the phone we don't have a mini heart attack because we're jealous, we have one because our worst fears hit the surface. We automatically think they may have gotten shot. Every. Single. Time. We know that when we walk in a restaurant and sit down, we will have our back to the door because they have to observe what is happening and map exits. When we hear a "brother in blue" has been killed, we all mourn because it is a fear all too real for us. We respect firefighters, paramedics, and their wives because we know how their schedules can be and how dangerous their jobs can be. We also feel for our LEO's because they save just as many lives as those professions but they are hated for it. They are in the only life-saving career that most people hate to admit to. It's much easier to say "He works for the city" than to tell the full truth and listen to the stories people have about how some jerk cop pulled them over for going 30 over the speed limit even though they weren't hurting anyone (yet). We have watched them lose "friends" due to their career choice. We have also watched them gain brothers due to their career choice, just as we have gained sisters.

All of these are big things. There are also things to worry about like wrecks, having to send them out in bad weather when other people are heading in, the girls who see a badge or uniform and feel like they need to mess with them whether they are married or not. Just to clarify, most of us are not concerned that our husbands are going to mess around. Most of us are concerned that our husbands will have to arrest us after we find you and handle you for messing with our men. Relationships are hard on LEO's. Imagine being used to get someone out of a ticket, or hanging out with someone who decides you're not worth it because of your job. You think it's hard to wait tables when you're stressed out? It doesn't compare at all to protecting yourself and others daily in the most violent situations out there while stressed out. So if you're a badge bunny, stop. There are other people in the equation to think about. It's not glamorous being with a LEO. It's hard. Not all of us married LEO's. I didn't. I married a great man who I am so proud of for deciding to be an officer, but we took this journey together. I also know ladies who are not yet married to their officer but they have been together for a while through thick and thin and are not using their badge as a status symbol. One day ladies, you will be one of us. And we will welcome you with open arms. Please don't forget this because you will need all the support you can get at some point and we will be willing to give it.

Police Wife: One of the least gratifying but most important jobs out there. Thanks to all who do it well. Our boys could not make it without our unwavering support and love.

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26 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. It's always nice to know I'm not alone in my feelings. :)

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  2. Couldn't have said it better myself! Thank you!

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  3. I needed this today. It's not easy being a police officer's wife. It's nice to know I'm not alone. I too love the sounder of Velcro. Glad I found this blog

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    1. Writing this got me through a difficult day, so I'm glad to know reading it has done the same for others.

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  4. Is there a blog for LEO husbands? My hubby needs a good read to lift his spirits

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    1. I don't know of one, but if I find one I'll let you know. This post has had such a good response (unexpected, but very nice) that I may write one in the next few days. If so I'll be sure to let you know. I know it's hard for the men bc they don't get the recognition we as police wives do, which is sad bc they deserve it.

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  5. Love this! People don't understand how I can stand my hubby's schedule and worry while he's gone. Well, if I dwell on the worry, I become a basket case and wouldn't be fit to take care of my boys. And it's so heartbreaking when the hubby gets a change in schedule or called out and I have to explain to my 4 yr old that daddy is working late tonight and can't tuck him in.

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    1. People don't understand. It's hard to get them to understand when something happens with my babies it always falls on me. They say "Even cops can call in". They don't realize when they do that they worry about whether the squad is short handed and if it endangers anyone. It affects every aspect of my life.

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  6. I absolutely love this. It's so true and no one understands it but LEO wives.

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    1. And trying to explain it to others is like talking to a brick wall. Lol.

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  7. So true! Right down to the missed calls! Or worse, receiving a call at 4 am, and thanking The Lord everything turned out for your LEO. God bless all LEO's, and stay safe out there!

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    1. I never ignore his call. Ever. The people I work with and my friends understand. I'm just always afraid I'm getting that dreaded "last call".

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  8. Oh my gosh, I loved this. Thank you THANK YOU for writing it. I cried and laughed and appreciated that others understand what its like.

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    1. I'm sorry you cried, glad you laughed, and love that you understand. <3

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  9. IT IS ALSO WOUNDRING IF YOU ARE EVER GOING TO SEE YOUR KID CAUSE YOUR KID MOTHER DECIDED TO CHEAT AND NOT SUPPORT YOUR CAREER OR CAREERS AND IS TRYING TO PUT YOU DOWN AND KEEP YOUR KID FROM YOU KNOWING YOU CAN BE KILLED IN YOU JOB WEATHER YOUR IN THE MILITARY OR POLICE OR CORRECTIONS OR SECURITY OR FIRE OR PARAMEDIC OR EMT OR ANY PUBLIC OR PRIVATE PUBLIC

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  10. AND ITS HARD FIND WOMEN LIKE YOU THERE ARE NOT MANY LIKE YOU GUYS I HAVE HAD SEVERAL GIRLS CHEAT OR LEAVE CAUSE IM IN THE MILITARY CAUSE I WORK ARMED SECURITY CAUSE I USE TO WORK IN CORRECTIONS AND WANT GO BACK TILL I BECOME A COP CAUSE I WANT BE A COP AND ONE DAY WILL YOU WOMEN ARE STRONG AND IM PROUD SEE SOME YOU GUY STILL OUT THERE NOT MUCH AND IT HARD FIND ONT LIKE YOU GUYS STAY STRONG

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    1. There's someone out there I'm sure. Military men have a hard time as well. It's a difficult life but I'm sure there's a woman who's willing to do it. Just don't go after the ones who look for a uniform. They're not the right ones bc they're not looking for the right things.

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  11. Beautifully written. Thank you for putting to pen what we feel in our hearts!

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  12. This is perfect. I couldn't have said it better myself. With all that is going on in America, esp with the LEO that just got shot and gangs that treaten to target more cops, and I just want to scream this from the roof tops right now because no one gets what it is life to be a LEO or a LEO wife. Preach sista!

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    1. I go back to this post sometimes (even though I wrote it) to remind myself other people are going through it as well. I go through these comments and think "Okay, it's not just me, stop being whiny", lol. I've had to now especially with the fresh riots. It's open season on officers. I'm glad everyday I'm not alone.

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  13. Amen! I may not be married to my LEO yet but I know these feelings all too well! Just last night my detective was called out at 2 in the morning and didn't return home until after 4, just to return to work at 8:30. Thank you for posting this, I was tearing up the whole way through!

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  14. This is the truth. i am so glad im not alone in these feelings. days are hard when i married my husband i knew there were going to be rough times and times missed but i didnt realize the worry until he moved departments where its not as safe as our little small town. he went to a larger city with way more crime rate. the nights are long and our kids as him not to go....dating a cop was one thing being married to him is another, but i can say i am PROUD of my LEO and stand behind him and the blue family!

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  15. Thank you for putting this out there. I'm proud to walk the Thin Blue Line with you all. Every night my kids and I pray for their Daddy and his LEO brothers and sisters. Tell them to stay safe, and thank them for wearing the badge with honor!

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    1. Unfortunately my particular LEO was killed in the line of duty May 5, 2016. Of course I am still friends and family with many of them and they've been excellent through the entire situation. It's difficult for sure. I started writing faithfully once a week after it happened. You can read that at http://jmfreee.blogspot.com/2016/05/week-1-beginning.html

      Thanks for reading! Good luck as a police wife. I know it need t.

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