Wednesday, November 20, 2013

My biggest little is 9 today.

*Warning: This is long.

I woke up today with the realization that in exactly one more year my son will be in double digits. I keep asking myself  "How did this happen?" And since I am one of those people who answer themselves, I keep saying "I have absolutely no idea. He was 3 yesterday."  Sad fact is I'm wrong. He was not 3 yesterday. He was 8 yesterday. And today he's 9. But at one time, a time that seems like forever ago and yesterday at the same time, he was a baby.
Look at all the people who were just waiting for him to get here. There are plenty more
but I don't have all those pictures on my computer.
Not to be biased, but wasn't he the prettiest baby ever? :) He stays tan. He was even born tan. He was beautiful and perfect and everything I never knew I wanted. I was on bed rest for 8 months with this kid. I have went 5 days without even a drink of water because of him. While pregnant no less.
That hair! I didn't have it cut until he was 2. It was ringlet curly. Even dressed in all blue
people thought he was a girl.
I was not excited about a baby while I was pregnant. That sounds awful I know. But it's the truth. I was too sick and honestly I had never wanted children. Not even one child.
That hair got cut off during this time span. :( But it was time for him to look like a little man.
After all that I should have had a perfect labor. Not so much. I went in for contractions and had to go home. No big deal; happens all the time. Later that night my contractions went from 8 minutes apart to 3 minutes apart. By the time I got to the hospital it was every 30 seconds.
He's my mini me for sure.
They strapped some stuff up to me when I got there. I told them I had to go to the restroom so the nurse said to let them get a quick read first then we'll unhook you and you can go. The next thing I know people are flying everywhere. I was informed they had lost his heartbeat and I had to have an emergency c-section and he had to get out right then. That was the moment for me. That moment that every mom has when they know they'll do anything to protect their babies. My only response was "Then take him out right now." I have never been so scared in my whole life.
He was dressed as Batman the night his dad and I got married.
They wheeled me off to the OR with me leaving my mom crying in the hallway because they wouldn't even stop for her to tell me she loved me. She had to run with them. I had already went into shock by this point. What had actually happened was I was in full blown labor but I hadn't dilated. The sack he was in had ruptured and all the toxic mess in it was now all in me. I didn't care. I just wanted him out and safe.
This was the year baby sister was born.
My doctor came into the OR wearing camo pants and telling me he had to leave his place in line at Chick-Fil-A for me. He was the best doctor ever and tried his best to joke. We were pretty close, not a normal patient relationship because he used to come by my tattoo shop. They gave me a spinal tap, strapped me down, and went to cutting.
Getting way too big.
When you have a c-section they put a sheet up so you can't see. I had already been throwing up while they were cutting and my nerves were shot. I needed to see, so I told my doctor to take the sheet down. Everyone said no and he just said "She can handle it, take it down!" Then I got to watch my son make his entrance into the world. He was soundless and as blue as a crayon. Even then, he was still the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. The first time I heard him cry was about a minute later and it was the happiest sound I'd ever heard.
First lost tooth was around this time.
We stayed in the hospital for a week. Once he got out of me he was perfect. I was not. I had tons of issues and don't even really remember the first couple of days I was there except for one thing. Someone was in the bathroom and I was in the room alone with him and he started crying. I was so medicated that I couldn't even lift my head. In a few seconds we were both crying for completely different reasons. Looking back I realize that everyone was much more worried about me at this point but I never even realized it because all I could think about was him.
I need to show them all these pictures when they fight.
We both made it out of the hospital alive and he is as healthy as he can be. He is one of the biggest blessings in my life and I thank God that he picked me to be his mom. I can't imagine life without him. He keeps me going. And although it is bittersweet I am having the most amazing time watching him grow up.
And this is where we are now.
I have missed so much that I can never take back, for numerous reasons. I was too tired, too busy, had to work... we all have these problems. Funnily enough, although I have so many regrets about his life, he still loves me more than anybody in this world. So while I feel like I've failed him more times than I can count, he feels like I am the greatest person he knows. That is the blessing of a child. You belong to them as much as they belong to you. I love him more than life itself.

This post wasn't for any purpose. Not to shed some great light on anything. Just for me to reminisce and remember his life today since that's what we're celebrating.

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