Week 16: Team Blue Line Road Race Time!

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This week started off crazy. I've pretty much decided when your week starts on Friday it is going to start off crazy no matter what. It was so busy. I didn't have to take the kids to school Friday though! My MIL is off on Fridays so I got them ready and she picked them up and drove them. I had to finish getting packed to go to the Team Blue Line triathlon and about a million other things. Not a big deal. Totally doable. Oh, what's that? A storm? A horrible, thundering & lightning light show? Perfect. 😑 Long story short, we didn't leave for the race until 4:45pm. We had to get gas and food on the way out. It took us half as long to get there as I thought so it wound up being a great time to leave. I never get that lucky! Mom got there before us so when we got there we grabbed her and took her to get food. We just went to McDonald's. It was late and we wanted something quick. Gave her long enough to check out my new ride and spill an entire large sweet tea directly into the floorboard. What? Oh yes, in the -brand new- floorboard. 😂 She just looked at me like, "Well..." I am no longer a person to get bent out of shape about stuff like that so I just laughed because she didn't have a drink now. We took the mat out and put it in the shower for about 20 mins. Cleanest mat in the truck now. 😄 Oh, I did get to test a new black bath bomb recipe Friday morning. That was super nice.

After we got everything in the room (that was its own ordeal) we got showers and put jammies on. That night was the looooongest night. We all slept so badly. We even swapped bed partners at about 1am after I had to get out of bed and go to the truck to get Little 2's blanket because she really was freezing. Poor baby was covered in chill bumps. We had to be at the race site by 6:45am. We made it on time after a ruckus that morning due to 75% of us not being morning people. We had the best time. We met so many people that were as nice and funny as can be. 

This race was close to where they film The Walking Dead so after the race was over we went to lunch and stopped by The Walking Dead Store. 

We got home much earlier than expected Saturday so we just hung out with Mom since she came back with us. It was so nice. We were all tired because we didn't sleep the night before and got up early so we went to bed earlier than normal. The next morning we grabbed breakfast and took my granny a cupcake for her 73rd birthday. Lord have mercy. 73 years. That's a long time. 

The rest of the week hasn't been overly exciting. Yesterday was a friends birthday so we cooked at my house and had cupcakes. I bought him non-alcoholic beer for his birthday because he stopped drinking almost 9 months ago. I am so proud of him. It has been a hard road. Today was my MIL's birthday and I almost missed it. I just did not realize the date. Thankfully everyone knows I'm awful about not knowing what day it is. I did drop the ball on her present though. I ordered her something and didn't realize it had a wait on it. I also had to post a mini-rant on Facebook today about people cornering people I'm "dating". I can overlook lots of things but when my friends get asked if they've been threatened over me yet I draw the line. Like it would be anyone's business anyway. 

After school milkshakes and a cotton candy bath bomb were perks today though so it's fine. 

So that's this week. The race was about the only exciting thing. I've never been to a triathlon before and even though it was a mini tri the people doing it were amazing. 70+ year old people out there and I can't run to the mailbox. I need to go to the gym...



Links to the previous and next post are below!

Week 15
Week 17

Week 15: Be a good friend folks.

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This week was ridiculous like the past couple. Well, Friday was actually nice. The stress from school starting was almost gone and friends came over. It was so nice. We had still been working on baby shower stuff so another friend drove out on her kid-free day and delivered everyone lunch from a place here called Roly Poly that has the best wraps. Really, they have the best sauce. I go places for sauces and fries. I eat like a child. lol. I got to do my favorite thing after lunch - my weekly massage. My allergies have been acting up and anyone who has allergy issues can understand feeling like your whole body can't breathe so I was looking forward to it even more than usual. If you're in the middle Georgia area she is worth any drive you'd have to make and you can book an appointment with her here. I get zero incentives for recommending people, I just believe if you hurt somewhere, give her a few weeks and she can fix it even if it's been hurting for years. I also got a nice text saying my Mustang had been completely tuned up. I have the best friends.

Saturday was just a normal day. We cleaned, did some grocery shopping, and hung out with the besties and their kids that evening. Sunday my crew surprised a crew member of ours who's been super stressed out with a cleaning day. Sounds like a good surprise but when people start showing up at 9am to clean and you don't know about it, it can make for an annoying morning I'm sure. We didn't care. Also, I wouldn't really know since on my way out of the house I dropped the entire box of cleaning supplies under the car (How does that even happen?) which caused me to spill my entire tea down my shirt, shorts, and legs. I'm so graceful. 😂 So I got there almost an hour late. Anyway, sometimes people need a foot up the ass and sometimes people just need some help because they're drowning. This situation was the latter. We got the main parts and as most of you know, once you can see a light at the end of the tunnel, it's easier to keep going. I don't think there's many things you can do that are better than being a good friend so I try to do that as much as I can. All of my friends do which is why they're my friends.

The rest of the week wasn't very eventful. Makes for a boring blog post but it's the best week I've had in a while. Wednesday the bestie came over and cleaned again. At this point it probably sounds like I do nothing but I cannot even begin to explain how bad everything got from so many people being here. It was crazy. On a happy note, I got packages delivered too. One had crystals in it (smoky quartz, selenite wand, etc.) and the other had gardening and bath product books in it. I need to get back to making soap and all so I figure why not start out fresh and start testing some new recipes.

Today I spent cleaning and getting ready to leave tomorrow. We're going to a road race sponsored by Team Blue Line. We're excited to get to meet the founders in person. They're great people. I'm still a little apprehensive about traveling but it's not super far away and it's only for a night. My mom is meeting us there too so I know everything will be fine. She even got some special keychains made to give to some of the runners and officers working because she's awesome.

I managed to vacuum my mattress (so gross) and wash all the linens. I worked in the bathroom. I emptied the drawers. I reorganized about half of it and the rest is still on the counter. Guess what? It'll still be there when I come back because unlike my husband I was not blessed with a "cleaning fairy". I'm just going to toss this picture of L2 out here because she dresses herself and looks better than half the adults I know. It's crazy.

All in all, this week was decent. It's the best I've had in about a month so I will definitely take it with no complaints. Again, thank you to all who sent up anything positive for us. I know it helped.

I have linked the previous and next post below.

Week 14

Week 16

Week 14: First Day of School! 😒

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As usual, here's your warning for a long emotional post. Don't say I didn't warn you. Now, first day of school. Omg. Seriously, it sucked. There is not a good way to say it. I barely slept the night before. I got up and sat around for a few minutes to get it together. Getting the kids up wasn't easy. We'd gotten back on a better night schedule last week but they still didn't want to get up at 6:00am. I didn't either. Little #2 said, "Mom, it's weird with you getting me up." She was right. It was weird. We got breakfast, dressed, backpacks, supplies, and teeth brushed with no real issues. I was surprised. There were officers that offered to go with us but the kids wanted it to be as normal as it could so we just took one friend. Little #1 asked him to go. I think he just wanted some male support. 

When we got in the truck to leave L2 got a little emotional but we turned on a fun song and distracted her. When we got to her school I walked her to her classroom. It went fairly well. I shed a few tears on the way back to the truck but cleared them up quick. I didn't want L1 to see me upset. 

We decided on the way to his school that we would see what everyone else was doing before we made a solid decision on whether or not I'd walk him to class. We did see a few parents going in but mostly they didn't so I let him go by himself. Ugh. It was an awful feeling. As I watched him walk away it hit me just how grown he really is. It also reminded me how much he's grown up just in the last 3 months. He's as tall as me and wears a shoe 3 sizes bigger. He aspires to be a police officer. He has his own hopes and dreams. He is growing up and it is a love/hate thing for me. 

Both kids had a great day. I don't know if I've ever been more relieved in my life. I did text L1 once during the day just in case he checked it but he didn't. He's been great about that. We stopped and got milkshakes after school. 

That night L1 got dinner with a friend and L2 stayed with her BicBic. I had dinner with 2 amazing ladies. One is another police wife who lost her husband in the line of duty and the other is a fire wife who lost her husband as well. I thought on the way there, "Am I doing this? Am I a widow going to meet 2 other widows right now?" Again, how did my life get here y'all? Anyway, it wound up being a great dinner. We laughed so much. It's unfortunate but we're now in an invisible club nobody wants to be a member of. At least my club mates are gorgeous and cool. :)

Saturday was my nephews birthday party but we missed it. I wasn't with the traveling yet but that didn't matter. Both kids made plans. L1 invited one of his friends since Pre-K over for Saturday night and L2 had also made plans with a friend of hers to go skating. I was so upset we missed my little mans party but they both had a great weekend. I think they needed it. They were worn out afterward though. 

I got a ton of stuff done over the weekend too. The bestie came over and we cleaned everything. The amount of things we've received, including boxes of cards and letters, is unbelievable. All of it was in my dining room. I needed it gone. I couldn't bring myself to do it, so the whole crew got together and moved it. It was hard but the next morning when I walked in my dining room it didn't feel like a death room anymore. That might sound harsh but it was depressing. At least now I can breathe. I'll go through it all again later when I can. I also got my a/c for my office installed. Thank god for good friends. 

We had a mini craft night and dinner with friends that night too. It was so relaxing and all the baby shower decor we worked on came out great. 

Monday rolled around. Getting up sucked just as bad as Friday. I still don't sleep much so I was so tired when I got up. L1 was late by 2 minutes. We knew it would take some time to work out their morning schedule. It was so frustrating, but they didn't count him tardy since it was the 2nd day. I went home and sat in the clean house for about an hour while I cried over nothing. When I say nothing what I really mean is I cried over everything possible.  Then I went back to bed. The whole day wasn't awful. I got up, did some things around the house, and waited for the kids. They were so excited to tell me about their days which were both great apparently. L1's anxiety was down a ton. I could see it and it made me feel much better. The next day L2 was late. Another fail on the morning schedule. Since she was going to be late either way we hit a drive thru and got breakfast. It was nice. They both had great days again. I also got some pics of the wedding they were in. They're beautiful.

Yesterday had me questioning myself. Am I getting depressed? Why am I back to crying every single day? I've gotten at least one migraine (a real one, not a bad headache) a week for a month now. I've thought it through and am convinced it isn't depression. Getting back into a routine really makes you see the changes. Summer is always a little hectic but school isn't. Not to mention the pure amount of stress that was removed in the past week (death room, first day of school). I think it has all just come to a head and my hormones and emotions are trying to balance out. The perks of this day were nobody was late to school (Hallelujah!) and L1 was excited about pulling a tooth.  

Today is just a blah day. I did manage to get a pic with L1 on the way to school. I finished up filling out all the school paperwork that was supposed to have been in Monday. The paperwork had crossed my mind but I ignored it. Having to fill it out with nobody to list on it but me was hard. So hard. I'd fill out a piece and cry some. I will say this: My face is smooth this week. I have cried and wiped it so much there is no dead skin anywhere. Silver lining folks. That's all I can say. I'm hoping next week is better than this week. I need these emotions to flatline because they're killing me. 

I am grateful for every single person that reads this blog and thinks of us. People offer up prayers, words of hope, and the best: their stories. People who have read something I've written and felt moved enough by it to share their story with me. The amount of grief I've come to realize is out there is far surpassed by the sheer amount of strength I see in the people who deal with it and fight it every day. I just want to say it really does mean something.

Last week's post and next week's post are linked below.

Week 13
Week 15

Week 13: Will school ever start back?

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I just dreaded school this whole week. I know that sounds like a broken record but I did. I need tomorrow to get here so at least the dread will go away. It's so stressful. I did have a lot of random things go on this week so I was distracted a little.

Friday I had dog kennels poured. That was a project he was working on and had already talked about so I did it. Since the kennels were already coming I had the guys doing it pour a walkway to my front door as well. It's never mattered but now so many people stop by (which is nice) that sometimes my underwear are in the laundry room in front of unsuspecting folks. Haha. You have to go through it if you come in through the garage so I'm hoping the walkway will be a deterrent for garage entry now. I did wonder how many people would judge my walkway and kennels as me "just spending money" so I didn't tell anyone except a handful of people. It wouldn't matter that we had talked about it and planned accordingly. That is a frustrating thing to worry about. Why does it matter to people? These aren't people who worry about me financially. People who know me well worry about that the least. It's just talking. It happens everywhere so I know y'all know what I mean.

I also decided to go ahead and buy myself a new vehicle. This is not a decision I made lightly. We had talked for a year about getting something bigger while going through options. We knew what we wanted so when I decided to take the plunge it was easy as far as that was concerned. I still have all of the same reasons for needing it other than one person being in it. We had been putting money back for it and planned to purchase right after the kids got out of school. It just took me a little longer. It is a huge change since I've driven the same car for 15 years and I HATE to spend money. I really do. All jokes aside, it breaks my heart. Lol. I spent Friday evening at the dealership. It was my first big purchase alone. They did have to transfer a vehicle so I couldn't pick it up until Monday but everything was handled Friday. It was a little stressful but it went great. The only thing I didn't get was black wheels and since anyone who knows TJ knows how big of a deal that would be to him I'm going to spend the little bit extra and get some so we can have exactly what we wanted. I do what I can. 😀

Saturday I went school shopping again with a friend and his kids. I learned school shopping is stressful no matter who you are. Haha. I had to pick up a gift card for one of my best friends' son since his party was the next day. Normally I'm the fun gifter but he's growing like a weed and needs lots of clothes and to throw away some toys like every other kid I know so I got what he needed. The party was the next day and my whole crew was there so I didn't freak out once. Even when it got rained out and the crowd packed inside I held it together. Okay, there was one time I laughed at a kid that fell down but I don't think that counts. And yes, it was funny. Had it been an adult I may have laughed even harder. Kid was fine by the way. I'm not heartless. Isn't the birthday boy precious? 💙

Monday was truck day! I'm not a bells and whistles kind of person but I do love the satellite radio. Of course it rained while I was driving it home. I learned the buttons and knobs real quick. Need those wipers! Lol. I was so apprehensive about spending the money on it that I couldn't get very excited about it. Sad I know. Plus I didn't post it anywhere because of people talking about my spending habits. I just didn't feel like justifying my purchase to a thousand different people. Even with all of that, Tuesday morning when the kids got home and L2 said, "Mom! It's like a spaceship in here. Dad would love this thing!," I managed to get excited. 

I also found the best picture of a memory from 4 years ago on Timehop that day so it was an especially happy morning. 

Yesterday I flooded my laundry room. I washed actual carpet that had been ripped out of the floor of my linen closet by someone who didn't even ask (it was fine and funny) because something had gotten spilled and soured. Carpet lets so many fibers go in the washer that it wouldn't drain. I figured out what to do last time this happened so that wasn't an issue. The issue was it was a 3 person job the last time and now there was just me. So I drained it. It flooded. I threw tons of clean towels in the floor to soak up dirty water. I cussed. I mopped. I cussed some more. I threw all the wet stuff in the mudsink, started washing loads of nasty wet stuff, and then I cussed a little more. Before you ask, yes, it did make me feel better. 

After that catastrophe we had errands to run so we did those and got to L1's Open House about 5:45. We met all of his teachers and they seemed great. Since his aunt teaches at the school he's going to this year we're hoping that if he does have a bad day he can escape to her long enough to calm down and gather himself. He's pretty excited about that. I think he really is afraid he'll have a breakdown in front of people. It has happened once before and he hated it. Dinner and bed came quickly after all the Open House excitement. They have got to get on a normal schedule again. Ugh. 

Today was L2's Open House. I wasn't worried about her at all. Her age makes her much more resilient the rest of us. It makes me sad for her every time I think about how much she won't remember but it also makes me glad that she isn't going through exactly what we are. She's a sun in the dark for me sometimes. We got school supplies together during the day so we were ready to go when it was time. I even managed to help a friend with some baby shower decorations. It's nice to help and have something productive to do. 

Another week down. Tomorrow is the big day. Send up some prayers or vibes or whatever you think will help because I can tell you now it's going to suck.

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Week 12
Week 14